Friday, October 23, 2009

5 years ago today...

I married my honey bunny.

As we celebrate this important anniversary, I want to reflect on what these five years have been like for me. Richard has brought so much love and happiness to my life. He is my rock.

I love him because he has a heart of gold
I love him because of his faith
I love him because of his family values
I love him because he's full of passion for life
I love him because he loves my family
I love him because he wants children
I love him because he's spontaneous
I love him because he can be so silly at times
I love him because he completes me
I love him because we balance each other
I love him because he fights for what he believes in
I love him because he looks out for me
I love him because he wants to make me happy
I love him because he tells me he loves me "more" (but I love him more!)
I love him because he's hardworking and looks out for our future
I love him because he knows how to make me smile
I love him because he wants to go to Universal Studios (he's a big kid)
I love him because he can apologize when he knows he did wrong
I love him because even when we fight, I still feel love

...and isn't that what it's all about? After all, no marriage or relationship is perfect. We don't always see eye to eye and since we're both very outspoken and passionate, we can have quite lively conversations! He is the most loving, sensitive, caring person, but he can also be grumpy and temperamental at times.

But one thing is for sure. I love him more today than I did when we were married. He has been there for me at the worst of times (losing my Mom and then Mami) and he continues to be there for me every day, putting up with my depression and craziness. He is truly my soul mate.

I love you, Richard.


Saturday, October 17, 2009


And TODAY...

Inspired by Ali's (and Balou's) blog:

Outside my window...there's a nice blue sky, wooden fence, a couple of palm tress, a tall tree with its rich green leaves a bit dry and turning shades of yellow (who said there was no fall in Miami?).

I am thinking...about my Mami and my Mom and how I missed them so much last night. My family got together to celebrate my birthday at our hangout, Old San Juan, a local Puerto Rican restaurant. I had tears in my eyes as I drove home, thinking of them. Just then, my hubby called from his car to say HI -- perfect timing! :-)

I am thankful birthday celebration last night and the fact that we were together, which doesn't happen as often as I wish. It was so nice to celebrate with my family, my mother-in-law, our BFF's and my Godson.

From the kitchen...nothing yet (are you surprised?) granola cereal and very vanilla soy milk for starters, then leftovers from last night for lunch (chuletas, arroz con habichuelas y tostones)

I am Victoria's Secret pajama. This light blue and white sleeveless one is my favorite; it's soft and has little bunnies on the pants.

I am creating...getting into the Holiday mode and starting with a couple of Halloween and Christmas projects.

I am go to the car dealership with my step dad so we can lease him a new car. He was in an accident a couple of weeks ago and his 1996 Toyota Corolla was totaled. He's okay, but anxious for a new Corolla :-)

I am reading...Scrapbooks Etc., Caribbean Travel + Life and Islands magazines.

I am hoping...and praying for a speedy recovery for Damaris' dad, who had a bad accident yesterday! Also hoping to get a lot of things accomplished this week since I am out of the office all week. Cleaning out closets, drawers, scrapbook room, guest room, etc. and doing a couple of scrappy projects. I want to finish my December Daily from last year for starters and get ready for my 2009 album!

I am hearing...the sound of our A/C turning on. It's otherwise quiet here since Richard is still sleeping.

Around the house...there is silence. Not much activity going on here, except for me in my scrap room.

One of my favorite things...looking around my scrap room and seeing photos of Mami, my Mom and Dad, Papi, Titi Mae, Jorge, Richard, Yayi and just loving my little creative space! I know I am lucky to have this room all to myself :-)

A few plans for the rest of the, organizing, purging, creating, exercising and going out and having fun! I hope to check a few things off my to-do list.

Some pictures to share...celebrating my birthday last night at Old San Juan restaurant...

My honey gave me these gorgeous flowers for my birthday (and a Vera Bradley purse)! Have a great weekend!


Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Magical Wishes

THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for the sweet comments and outpouring of love on my last post (Rena, your words really touched me!). I am very lucky to have such wonderfully sweet friends who understand and support me during the good and not-so-good times. I just felt the need to write from the heart and share some of my life. It was therapeutic for me.

Last weekend, hubby and I attended a baby shower and a birthday dinner for a friend. We had a great time. Here are some pics of both events.

We played a game at the shower where I had to feed baby food to Richard while blindfolded. Yeah, that didn't go so well. He wouldn't eat it! Turns out the green bean baby food was mixed with mustard and barbecue sauce. Eeek!

Then we headed to Rosa Mexicano and Blue Martini for a birthday. Look at that adorable baby girl on the right! She makes me smile :-)

And last, but certainly not least, here are two layouts that I created using the Webster's Pages Magical Wishes paper kit that Damaris put together for the Retreat in September. I love these papers and embellies and I had so much fun scraplifting these layouts from the gallery.

You may remember these photos from my last post...

I also made an album to celebrate my upcoming 5th wedding anniversary with the ideas that Damaris used in her class. I love this! Here's a sneak peek at some of the pages. I will finish embellishing it once I have my photos...

That's all for now... Only TWO more days till my birthday... wow, I am getting old!

Peace and happy scrapping,

Sunday, October 11, 2009


Looking back through old photos always gets me very emotional.

I have always held back the urge to get too personal on my blog since this is supposed to be a bright and cheery place for you to come and visit :-). But the truth is that this is in fact my journal of sorts, my way of "capturing life's journey" as my blog header reads.

A LOT has happened in my 33 (almost 34) years. Illnesses, tragedies, abuse, death, abandonment, estranged relationships, depression, marriage, divorce, and other very personal matters that I will never speak about. But in the midst of all the bad in my life, there was always one constant "good." This helped shape who I am, what I've become, and it's the fabric of my life. That one constant was always my Mami. She raised me, taught me values, and saw me through my toughest days. She was always by my side, looking out for me and inspiring and encouraging me to reach my goals. I owe it all to her. Together, my Mami and Papi loved and nurtured me and cared for me like no one else. I miss them dearly. Every day.

Mami in 1962

That's not to say that I don't have other family members that have loved and cared for me, but they had their own families and priorities. To my Mami and Papi, I was their world. And they were mine.

Papi passed away in 1996 after a brave battle with colon cancer. Before that, he had recovered from prostate cancer. He was so strong till the end. I'll never forget his last days. They were living in California at the time and I was here in Miami married to my ex-husband. I had already made a couple of trips to see him, and I wondered if I should go again when they told me that he was in his final days. I was scared. Terrified, actually. I didn't know what to expect. And I didn't want to remember him like that. But I knew in my heart that I needed to go and see him and be there by his side. He was at home when I arrived, but he was bedridden and unable to take care of himself. He went into some sort of coma, but I still spoke to him, cried beside his bed, held his hand. Before he passed away, he came out of his coma, looked at me and smiled. "The adoro, mi hija," he said to me. I will never forget that. I believe he passed away that night (when everyone had walked out of his room), and I am so glad that I had this final moment with him.

Mami and Papi in 1995

My Dad, who I never lived with, had many children before falling in love with my Mom. They had a crazy, happy, adventurous life together from what I hear. He was married to my Mom for a short time and she became pregnant shortly before their separation. My Mom was not prepared for this. Needless to say, I was raised by my grandparents. My Dad would always come and visit me through the years, and I remember those happy visits and family outings. He would pick me up and take me to the beach, or to grab a bite to eat, or to see his family. I always looked forward to seeing him. My Mom always tried to be a part of my life and she did the best she could to come and see me and take me for the weekend, etc. She was a busy career woman. She had good intentions and I know she loved me. (I secretly always wished that my Mom and Dad would get back together again!) My Dad was killed in a car accident caused by a drunk driver in Puerto Rico. This happened in 1992.

My Mom and Dad (circa 1983)

I loved my Mom very much. She wanted to give me the world. I just wanted a Mom. She tried, unsuccessfully, to win my affection during the two years I lived with her (5th and 6th grade). So I ended up with my grandparents again, much to their content. At the end of my teenage years, my Mom tried to get close to me again, but I didn't let her. I always had this "wall" up when I was around her. It was very difficult for me. We continued like this for many years. My step dad, Jorge, brought her stability and unconditional love, something I think she yearned for her entire life. They were so good together, and I grew a bit closer to her over time, but there was always something that stopped me from getting too close. It was almost like I was afraid. Afraid of what, I don't know? Maybe I was angry, hurt, disappointed. Maybe it was all of the above. She was so happy when I married Richard in 2004 because she loved him a lot, and she was there on our wedding day even though she was already very ill. After winning her fight against breast cancer, she developed many other ailments, and in 2005 she passed away suddenly from complications that led to a septic infection. This was a shock to me! I arrived at the hospital too late to say goodbye. Too late to say "I'm sorry" or "I love you." Too late to mend our troubled mother/daughter relationship. And although I try to not blame myself, I will forever live in regret. I miss her very much and I wish she was here today driving me crazy!

My Mom with me as a baby (and my cousins and aunt, from left to right: Butchie, Gigi, Andy and Millie)

One year ago this month, I was in California for Mami's funeral. She passed away in Miami, but we flew her ashes down to San Diego so she can be buried next to Papi. Yes, there are things I wish I would have done or said to her throughout the years, but I loved her with everything I had and I was there with her till the very end. She knew that I adored her and I knew that she adored me. I know that she was weak and sick and she needed to go, but it doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye.

This goodbye meant that I was not only losing a piece of my heart with her, but that I was also saying goodbye to the last of my parents. How could that be? What would I do? It's been an emotionally trying time for me, but I am doing my best to try and come to terms with this huge loss. Little by little, day by day.

So why get so personal, you ask. I don't have an answer. But maybe, just maybe, it's good for me to mourn (and cry as I write this!). This may just be one small step toward emotional healing. October is a good month, but it's also a month in which I especially remember Mami, Papi, my Mom and Dad.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading...


Thursday, October 8, 2009

hello there

I hope you are having a great week. For me, it's all about work (what else is new, right?). But I did start going to the gym this week and it feels good. I joined Bally's and my goal is to exercise three times per week. I can handle that! :-) Today, I walked on the treadmill for 32 minutes, did the bike for 15 minutes, attempted to do the elliptical/skiing machine thingy that works out your legs and arms and everything else but was too tired after 5 minutes to continue (LOL!), and then I finished off my routine with a few arm exercises. Not bad, right? (c'mon guys, I need some encouragement here... tee hee!)

I've been trying to work on a project that Damaris taught at the retreat... and it's something that is adorably cute with pink butterflies... I am determined to get started because I want to use it for my anniversary photos (5 years on Oct. 23! whoohoo!) I don't want to ruin the surprise so here's a little peek...

And this is a layout with photos of my Titi Mae (my aunt) on her birthday last month. We took her to eat at Old San Juan, a local Puerto Rican restaurant. As you can see, my step dad, Jorge, joined us. Some of you have asked how he's doing. (He is undergoing chemo for lymphoma.) Well, I am happy to report that he is responding well to chemo and he is half way through his treatment. The week that he gets chemo is hard because he gets tired and sluggish, but he's strong and has a great attitude. I love him! He's the best :-)

Oh! One more thing: Look at this adorable Halloween mini album that is on its way to me. They're all sold out over at Cocoa Daisy so I'm glad I snatched one up. The very talented Christine designed the project. That ribbon alone makes me drool!

I love the month of October! Fall is underway, the weather cools down a bit to 91 instead of 99.9 degrees (LOL!), the holidays are near, many of my publications are sent off to print, my birthday rolls around (yeah!), and it's also my anniversary...

Happy October to you!


Sunday, October 4, 2009

Lookie, lookie

It's 1:16 a.m. on a Saturday night (er, Sunday morning). My honey and I watched All About Steve tonight, with Sandra Bullock and the hunky Bradley Cooper. The movie itself was pretty dumb, but toward the end there's a scene that is so hilarious, I couldn't stop laughing... everyone was cracking up and this was the best part of the whole movie! teehee! I still think about it and laugh!

Then we came home and decided to watch yet another movie, Gran Torino. It was VERY good. Clint Eastwood is such a fabulous actor. I cried at the end, but it was a great story.

I know that I haven't been blogging much lately. That's because life has been very hectic and I am getting home way too late from work. Gotta find that work/life balance that seems so out of reach these days. I did get to scrap last weekend with Ady and Damaris at the Scrap Pink crop at our LSS, Scrapbooks 'n' Stuff, and again for about an hour last night. These are the layouts I made with the September Cocoa Daisy kit containing Ali Edwards favorite products. Most of these are scraplifts from the talented CD design team.

That's all I have for tonight! I'm hoping to squeeze in some more scrapping this week... Oh, and if you are coming to my scrappy birthday party, you are in for a little surprise (think some cute new products in a little goodie bag - hint, hint!)

P.S. If you have yet to become a FOLLOWER of my blog, please click on the link to the left... it only takes a few seconds! :-)