Writing this will help me heal

When I first started my blog, it was a mostly positive creative outlet for me. Over time, I have chosen to blog about the "not so positive" things in my life as well because, let's face it, we ALL have those.

I have been keeping a secret and I am a pretty private person when it comes to personal matters, but I have this need to share this experience, to write about it, to get my feelings out in the open. I feel it will help me heal.

On August 24th, I found out that I was pregnant and it was such a joyful occasion for Richard and I. This is what we wanted: a sibling for Gracie so she's not alone. It all happened quickly after we decided to give it a try and we were elated.

Fast forward to September when I am almost 9 weeks along. I went in for an ultrasound and a checkup to see if we could hear a heartbeat and there was none, but maybe it was still too early. My wonderful doctor called me in and told me the news. She didn't want to call it a "miscarriage," but this is what it looked like to her. She said she hoped to be proven wrong. Other tests followed and I had to face the reality that this was not to be. I was a total mess, an emotional disaster. Richard left work and rushed to my side and spent the day with me. Thank God for his love and support. All I could think about was how blessed I was to have Gracie, my beautiful, strong, HEALTHY baby girl. But what about other women who have gone through this, especially when they still have NO children to come home to?! I was one of the lucky ones. I have Gracie. And yet I still felt such a sense of loss.

This happened 4 days before I was supposed to leave on my fun-filled, 16-day New England vacation that I had been planning for months. The doctor didn't like the idea of me leaving and ending up in a hospital somewhere in the mountains. She was concerned about me bleeding or needing a DNC procedure. She said it's not the same when you have to see someone that doesn't care about you. Richard and I talked about it, but we went ahead as planned. We left on our vacation and I prayed for the best. I (we) needed this vacation. I needed to get away from reality.

We had an amazing time in Boston, Maine, New Hampshire and Vermont. It was beautiful and I was able to enjoy the trip and the time with Richard and Gracie. I didn't allow myself to think about sad things.

But a couple days before my vacation ended, it hit me. I knew what I was coming home to soon. Medical procedures, more tests, perhaps a hospital visit. I would see pregnant women and I'd think about how that could have been me right now. Sadness once again kicked in.

One thing I can say is that the timing couldn't have been better. My prayers were answered. I started spotting and cramping on Saturday night a little. We arrived back home by Sunday night and I had a little bit more pain. I called my doctor first thing Monday morning and by mid-morning the pain was unbearable. It was like having a nightmare period combined with a kidney stone. The pain came in waves and it was burning inside. It got worse and worse. Richard was taking me to the hospital but I couldn't even get myself ready to go because I was in so much pain at that moment. And then the process started. I passed most of it on my own. Then it was off to see my doctor.

She finished the process in her office (it was traumatic and I will spare you the bloody details) and sent me for an ultrasound. I cried a lot. I'm still feeling pain, burning and soreness. I haven't been able to do much. I haven't even unpacked my suitcase. The physical pain will eventually subside but I have a feeling that the emotional toll will take a little longer... I am on medication now and will be back to the doctor later this week for a follow-up.

My heart goes out to the women who have experienced this and especially to those who are unable to conceive because going through this multiple times is emotionally trying. I cannot imagine.

I am one of the lucky ones I guess. My doctor says this is nature's way, that my body simply recognized that something wasn't right and didn't allow the growth of the fetus to continue. Perhaps, it was a bad egg or sperm or a chromosome issue. But there's nothing wrong with me. My system is working as it should and we will try again one day... soon. If Gracie is the only child I am blessed with, we have the greatest gift of all and I thank God for her every day. She's the light of my life.

Who's the boss?

This is my new favorite photo of Gracie. Look at that pose and read the T-shirt :)

At 13 months, she's absolutely beautiful, smart, funny, energetic, stubborn and strong. She learns something new every day and it surprises me how much of "us" I see in her. She looks a LOT like my baby pictures, almost like a mini-me. But she looks a little like Richard, too and she has both of our personalities all wrapped up in that little heavenly body — well, maybe a bit more of Richard's personality than mine!

She says Mama, Dada, Minnie, Bye and sometimes No when she shakes her head. She doesn't say these all the time, but these are the words she has been able to say so far. Lately, she wants to be in her parents arms and sometimes doesn't want to go with anyone else except Patricia, her nanny. She loves her! She also loves her family and her Godparents and has a special bond with Grandpa Jorge.

Gracie is a SUPER fast crawler and she walks and stands on her own, but she is usually holding onto something or near a table or wall for comfort. She hasn't taken off walking or running on her own just yet... But soon. She's still very cautious but LOVES her freedom when she is exploring things around the house.

Instead of her toys, she would rather play with a plastic water bottle or the new mail that Richard just brought in from outside. She has a cool pink car (see photo above) that we push her around in and she loves it!!

She is a big girl. In the 90th percentile for height (don't ask me where she got that from! maybe my dad, who was 6-feet-tall...) and in the 80th percentile for weight. She wears 18-24 month clothing and can even fit into some 2T clothes, but not regularly.

Her eyes light up and she smiles when we come home and that makes my day perfect. Even when I am stressed out at work, seeing her smile just makes me feel better. And she's a daddy's girl, big time. She has him wrapped around her little finger (okay, she has me wrapped up, too but who can resist?!). Her daddy usually puts her to sleep, but I am the one who rushes to her bedside when she wakes up in the morning. And if she sleeps in too much, I may or may not wake her up before I go to work just to kiss and smell her :)

She is the light of our lives and we love her more than anything in this world. And she is the boss, but don't tell her I said that!!!

Amy Tangerine!!!

I can't tell you how excited I am that Amy Tan is coming to The Paper Niche in Davie this August. I love everything that Amy does and I cannot wait to finally meet her in person :) I am signed up for a double-page layout and a mini book. Amy is not only the sweetest person, but she is so very talented and creative. Wanna join me? I'm sure it will sell out fast!!

I've missed y'all!!

Hi everyone! I hope you haven't forgotten me... I'm still around. Life has just gotten super busy. Between work and personal stuff, my time has become very limited. But I realized something recently. I REALLY miss blogging and I want to make a commitment to my blog — even if it's just once a week. I'm on Facebook, but it's not the same. My blog is a reflection of me, my loves, my interests, my scrapbooking, my life. I love sharing personal photos and stories. I. love. writing. It's that simple :) So I hope you can welcome me back into blog world!! I've missed you!

In May, we took a fun and exciting road trip to Tennessee to visit my family and we had a great time. Unfortunately, it was way too short of a visit, but so worth it!! Here are some photos. We stopped at many a rest stop along the way to take breaks and feed and change the baby. Abuelo Jorge aspoiled the baby lots, too. Gracie behaved so well!! She only broke down once when hunger combined with sleepiness. NOT a good mix!

We made a pit stop in Nashville with Titi Mae and Jorge for a little walking and sightseeing.

I hadn't seen some of my family in years and I was so excited for Gracie to meet her aunts, uncles and cousins. This is Bailey and Cory, my cousin's awesome kids, holding Gracie.

We were there to celebrate my cousin Cory's high school graduation. He's such a wonderfully sweet young man.

Gracie played with Grace (they have the same name!) and she loved these cute pups so much!!

This is my Titi Millie and Tio Kevin, who live in California. I wish we could see them more often!!

This is a group shot we took just before we headed back to Miami. My cousin Liza and Bailey weren't there because they were attending a dance recital.

I'm planning to make a little mini album to remember this trip. I'll be back soon with Gracie's ONE YEAR OLD birthday photos. Oh my!!

The accomplished graduate

Even today — 7 months after my baby girl was born — I still cannot believe she is MINE. We made her!! Her little hands and feet and nose and perfect little lips... her big eyes and wide, happy smile. Yep, all that happened in my belly. That's amazing! She is my little miracle. God is good :)

Last week, my little Gracie Girl (who thinks she's all big and independent sometimes - ha!) graduated from her Level 1 Gymboree Play & Learn class. My baby girl, the graduate. Whoa! She met all the requirements and sits up all on her own (heck, she would even eat all on her own if we let her, but her strict mean mommy doesn't approve).

Her personality is starting to REALLY emerge and she is stubborn alright. She's a strong baby and maybe a little spoiled, too (but not TOO much). Uh oh!! Here comes trouble :)

Actually, she is a good baby. We are lucky. She has slept through the night for months now. She rarely complains. She just wants a lot of attention... and she melts our hearts.

Hope you enjoy her graduation day photos. Here she is in class before putting on her cap and gown :)






Oh, one more thing... she does this really funny thing now that her daddy and her Godfather taught her one night when mommy was not home... yep, the perfect time to be mischievous!! When you whistle or make a whistling-type sound, she leans forward in your arms or on the floor, etc. So after her graduation, her daddy decided that she needed to show off her new skills and he whistled so Gracie was bowing to her audience. Too cute!!!



God, I love her!!!!! xoxo

December Daily 2011

I am getting closer to finishing up my December Daily album. My goal is to finish it completely by the end of January :) I think I can do it! This is my fourth December Daily album (2007, 2009, 2010, 2011). I skipped 2008 because, although I started an album cover, I just wasn't inspired to continue. It was just after my Mami passed away (seems like just yesterday).

So here's a peek at my album cover and first pages... I have lots more done, but I haven't photographed anything. I am just six days away from being done, but then I need to add a few more embellies and finish the numbers on my divider pages. Truth is that it's a LOT of fun and I enjoy the process so much. I love documenting our holidays, especially since it's my favorite time of the year! It just gets a bit tedious after January rolls around and you want to get it done :)

So without further ado, here's a sneak peek...



My front cover may change a little because I am thinking that I will need a large ribbon to tie around the album to keep it closed. It's getting really fat. LOL!





I'll share more of the album later this month... You likey?

Project Life 2012

HELLO LIFE 2012. That's right! I've decided to jump on the bandwagon and participate in Project Life. These days, my scrapbooking time is somewhat limited, but it's still important to me to document our days and capture life's journey. I'm so excited to be doing this and I hope to be able to continue to add to my album throughout the year.

I am not going to stress out about it because I want to enjoy the process. I plan to break it up by month and I know some months will have more photos or more journaling than others and that's okay. I'll just see how it goes...

For those of you not familiar with Project Life, it's a concept that Becky Higgins introduced where you have a core kit (I chose the Clementine version, which I LOVE) that includes cards for titles and journaling. You insert photos alongside these cards, as well as anything else you are inspired by (receipts, art, greeting cards, event programs, invitations, etc.) And that's it! No adhesive needed and very little (or no) embellishments.

Here's my title page for 2012. Here I did embellish quite a bit and I typed up my journaling, but I plan to keep the rest of the album simple using my own handwriting.




I'm using the Project Life page protectors and envelope pages inside an American Crafts album (from my own stash). I also added Ali Edwards' Hello Life Boxes from Designer Digitals to the front of my album (I may also incorporate these inside at some point).

Are you doing Project Life this year? Please share! Let's keep each other motivated... It's going to be a great year! :)

Merry wishes and joyful dreams!

I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year's celebration! For me, it's been all about enjoying family time with my Gracie girl. We've been enjoying her first holiday season and cherishing every moment... I just ADORE her so much and I love being a mom. It's a LOT of work and our lives have changed completely, but it's all for the better. I cannot wait to see what new adventures the new year brings!!! :) Here are some of the photos we shot during Christmas...

We attended the local Gymboree Christmas party and took photos with Santa. How fun!



Christmas Eve was at my in-laws' house...




This year, we had our traditional Christmas morning breakfast at our house so that we wouldn't have to wake up Grace early and get her out the door. It worked out great and we had fun... It's just sad that several of my family members were sick and couldn't make it. Darn cold and flu!! :(





At night, our BFF's came over to visit their Goddaughter. She got lots of beautiful presents. What a lucky girl!!!



I feel very blessed and grateful for our family and friends. It was a beautiful holiday season!!!! Hope yours was wonderful as well!!

I'll be back soon because I am actually on Day 16 of my December Daily album (YES!!!! I am CRAZY for doing this, but I love it) and I am also getting ready for Project Life 2012. So exciting!!! Photos coming soon :) I have a new laptop, which makes posting to my blog so much easier.